How You Can Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (and Start Feeling Empowered Again)

Comparing yourself to others is one of the fastest ways to feel frustrated, deflated, and disconnected from who you truly are. It’s a habit most of us fall into without even noticing, and yet it can lead to patterns of self-doubt, low self-worth, or inflated pride that separate us from our potential.

This post explores a more balanced way to see yourself and others—through reflective awareness. When you learn how to level the playing field, you reduce inner conflict and start showing up more authentically in every part of your life.

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Want to dive into the concepts visually? Watch the full video below:

Why Comparison Drains You

When we compare ourselves to others, it typically happens in two ways:

You put someone on a pedestal and minimise yourself in comparison
You put someone in a pit and elevate yourself above them

Either form of comparison is disempowering. It creates an artificial divide where you’re no longer seeing others—or yourself—clearly. You may feel envy, shame, pride, or resentment. And that leads to communication breakdowns, poor self-perception, and inner tension.

Psychologically, this constant comparison activates a cycle of judgement. The moment you point a finger outward, you create a mirror inward. You start projecting expectations onto others that reflect your own unmet needs or internal doubts.

The Power of Reflective Awareness

The antidote to comparison is reflective awareness. This means recognising that the traits you admire or criticise in others also live within you—just in different forms.

If someone is a brilliant public speaker and you feel inadequate in comparison, pause. Ask yourself: where do I express confidence and clarity in my own life? It might not be on stage, but maybe it's when you're coaching a client or helping a friend through a challenge.

Likewise, if you judge someone for being disorganised or loud, take a moment to reflect on how that same trait may show up in your life. Is there a domain where you cut corners or dominate conversations? You may express the same behaviour in a context that feels more aligned with your values.

This type of self-inquiry calms the nervous system and brings your focus back to the centre—where true growth and self-acceptance can happen.

If you’re interested in how these traits relate to your values, you might find this post helpful: How Voids and Values Drive Your Behaviour and Lead to Fulfillment

A Practical Exercise to Rebalance Your Perspective

Try this:

Think of someone you’ve been comparing yourself to—either looking up or down
Write down the specific trait you admire or resent
Now ask: where in my life do I demonstrate that trait?
Keep going until you can find at least 5–10 examples

You’re aiming to see the full picture here. This doesn’t mean you and the other person are identical. It means you're recognising that all traits exist within all of us in different ways.

Once you can see this, you start engaging with people more directly. No need for masks or performance. Just clear, grounded connection.

Want to dive deeper into how to build this type of awareness? See The Key to Personal Growth: A Balance of Support and Challenge

You’re Not Here to Be Them. You’re Here to Be You.

Reflective awareness puts you back in the driver’s seat. You’re no longer distracted by what others are doing. You’re not pretending to be something you’re not. You’re building a life based on what’s true for you.

That’s not only empowering. It’s freeing.

And when you catch yourself comparing again (because we all do), pause and return to that exercise. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about returning to your centre again and again—until it becomes home.

For more tools on staying centred and creating meaningful change, check out Mind and Body Synergy: How Mental Wellness and Physical Fitness Go Hand in Hand