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Do you ever find yourself judging others for traits you’re convinced you don’t have? Maybe you pride yourself on being generous, then feel uncomfortable when someone calls you stingy. The truth is, we all carry every possible human trait. Some just lie dormant in our unconscious mind, often reappearing as emotional triggers or projections.
Understanding this can help you reduce inner conflict, release self-judgment, and move through life with more compassion and awareness.
Watch the full video here:
According to Ramin Waraghai, no one is purely kind, generous, patient, or tolerant all the time. Each of us holds the full spectrum of human behaviour — including traits we might label as negative.
There are times when you are generous and times when you are stingy. Times when you are tolerant and times when you're not. You may not always recognise these traits because the ones you reject are pushed into your unconscious, forming what Carl Jung called the “shadow self.”
Judging others often reveals what we suppress within. The moment you point a finger, there are usually three pointing back at you.
If this sounds familiar, you may enjoy exploring Ramin’s deeper insight into self-awareness in How We Make Decisions and Why Short-Term Thinking Undermines Our Goals.
Shadow traits are parts of ourselves we disown because society, family, or culture has deemed them “bad.” But suppressing them doesn't make them disappear. They show up in disguised forms — like projections onto others or persistent inner criticism.
When you say, “I would never act like that,” what you may really mean is, “I’m uncomfortable admitting I have that in me.”
This self-denial leads to unnecessary stress and suffering. It can fuel perfectionism, shame, or self-sabotage. Recognising that you, like everyone else, are made of contradictions is the first step toward psychological freedom.
For a practical guide on working with shadow traits, explore The Key to Personal Growth: A Balance of Support and Challenge.
Every time you harshly judge someone, you're unconsciously judging yourself. It’s a loop — often triggered by things we believe we “should” or “shouldn’t” be.
This judgment reflects internalised rules you’re holding yourself to. And ironically, the more you suppress or try to "fix" that part of yourself, the more power it gains over you.
Instead of changing other people or trying to become one-sided (always generous, always kind), consider this: No one can live only on one side of the emotional spectrum. We are designed to express the full range of experience.
Ramin explores this concept further in How Voids and Values Drive Your Behavior and Lead to Fulfillment.
Here’s a simple way to begin:
This kind of reflective awareness helps dissolve judgment. As you see the trait in yourself, you reclaim power over your reactions. You’re no longer driven by unconscious motives, but by conscious choice.
You may find helpful context in Don’t Let the Licensing Effect Stop You From Achieving Your Goals, which explains how internal contradictions shape our behaviour.
By recognising that you already contain every possible human trait, you release the need to project your disowned parts onto others. You let go of the fantasy that you or anyone else should be one-sided. And you start accepting yourself and others in a more balanced, grounded way.
This isn’t about excusing harmful actions. It’s about owning your humanity and reducing the mental load of constant self-monitoring.
Once you stop trying to be perfect, you can be real.
If you want support on your path to self-awareness, Ramin offers coaching to help uncover unconscious motives and rebalance your mind. Explore his full library of insights at raminwaraghai.com/blog.